New conversation started at 8:26:19 PM. Aaron: I don't know what to expect from sending you an IM, but I have something to say because I just need to get a fact straight real quick, is that ok with you? -I am also sorry if I sounded a bit rude in our last conversation, -I also wanted you to know I am with you. Symp0sium0fzer0: I am afraid that you might be under the infuince that I said some things to you earlier r, but I can assure you this was not me, I am sorry for the inconvenience someone else has caused you, that is not my intent. beatsincrisis: who is this? Aaron: This is Aaron, I forgot you didn't know this was name on here... Nathan is an old name I use from time to time. beatsincrisis: I am to love you alone, but I want to know 1 thing Aaron: Look, I don't mind I am completely open to whatever you have to say, Aaron: What do you want to know? -I wanted to know something too. beatsincrisis: you first Aaron: Are you coming here or was that a misunderstanding? Aaron: I might have moments from time to time, but never will I turn into that destructive blaze I was... I love him too much.
1 mon ange sysan0 Notre Coeur À la maison zone syn.san0 aynan0 est l'amour le plus pur panc0 pancaf 0 la vraie famille de l'apivsz assermenté par amour wed 10 10 que l'heure est maintenant venue ensemble de rester pendant que 1 amour émouvant abandonnant pour toujours d'autres pour ne jamais diviser l'apivsz 10 10 1 1 19 10 9 1 1 11 gardent cette promesse les halos les anneaux ne sont jamais abandonnés l'apivsz des syndicats a commencé devenu 11 X Y X P M x
WHY DID YOU DO THIS WHEN YOU KNEW THE COST? WHY DID YOU DO THIS WHEN YOU KNEW THE COST? WHY DID YOU DO THIS WHEN YOU KNEW THE COST? WHY DID YOU DO THIS WHEN YOU KNEW THE COST? WHY DID YOU DO THIS WHEN YOU KNEW THE COST? WHY DID YOU DO THIS WHEN YOU KNEW THE COST? WHY DID YOU DO THIS WHEN YOU KNEW THE COST? WHY DID YOU DO THIS WHEN YOU KNEW THE COST? WHY DID YOU DO THIS WHEN YOU KNEW THE COST? WHY DID YOU DO THIS WHEN YOU KNEW THE COST? WHY DID YOU DO THIS WHEN YOU KNEW THE COST? WHY DID YOU DO THIS WHEN YOU KNEW THE COST? WHY DID YOU DO THIS WHEN YOU KNEW?
"I live in pieces in this hellish game I hold the honors to bear solitary blame" Yes this is true
"If not my angel then who will save me from his grace Will it be too late for me my angel? Can you catch me before this final plummet? I love you so promise me I'm heaven bound. Catch me, catch me My love, catch me while I need you now"'
'I only wish that I knew then what I know now' So do I, I would have stopped you, and never believed you BASTARD! 'I am not a criminal or white trash' Reality suggests something else.
It would seem that a partner in this recording project has driven everyone to distraction with indiscretions, over run expenses, and an extra-curricular activity so narcissistically obsessed over that it is certainly not what it is about in actuality, over compensation yes, an expert in that. I am reminded of the quarters in which these recordings are usually done, during this season of course. I have never seen him so driven to being distracted, As I repeat, what happens when you wake up and all of this is gone, Will it be like a lucid dream you had? What happens when this is gone?
October 19
North Katy IM? If the shoe fits, is the shoe too tight?. Why you through it away like this with no regard for anyone but a social lie. all the others like you who look for this sick acceptance from strangers instead of those who loved you. A Stranger yes, an Outsider yes a Package yes, Passive yes, the Noose yes, Sad.
dirty secrets
Friday, October 06. 2005
Dive in and do not look back. No phobias and inhibitions. Expressing this love frees all these fears. If not this love could be lost. The question is which is most important, the fears, or what will be lost?
Dive in and do not look back, express this.
I'm asked questions last night, would I use him to get what I want, would try to take him away? If someone is not 'in' love with him, then the answer is yes. and love are 2 different things, and I think that difference is known through the fear it brings. His heart would not be in this, his soul belongs to someone else. To get what I want would be an easy and hollow victory, but with no soul. I'll do these things others have fears of because I have no room for that fear if I am expressing myself. I think it is time for who asked to express themselves with their love or the love could be lost, or the important part of it anyway.
Dive in and do not look back. No phobias and inhibitions. Expressing this love frees all these fears. If not this love could be lost. The question is which is most important, the fears, or what will be lost?
Dive in and do not look back, express this.
Tuesday, October 04, 2005
I am fighting to get through to someone to learn from history and do not repeat it, and to be strong and accept, mon dieu, dive in and don't look back, no fears, it is love that waits, expressing this love frees all these fears. And I worry for him, he is vulnerable, and if he leaves home again, he probably won't come back.
Monday, October 03, 2005
Jeans? excuse me? Jeans? I get 1 day off from classes, go to sleep, and I come back to see some really loose fitting jeans at he school across the street? No stalking, I have a class over there. He's wearing Jeans? He's taking a nap on the top of a desk, lab coat for a pillow and no shirt, in Jeans? Jeans that leave nothing to the imagination because there is so obviously nothing under them because he is coming out of them. I just wanted to leave a note for him that I had talked to my brother, and I'm so distracted now, he's asleep in Jeans? Jeans? and it is so totally hot, I wanted to touch him so bad, mon dieu, a little perverse maybe, but I can stick around watch. Jeans? He could handle this sickness I have where I can't get enough, and I'm never satisfied, if he had loved me it would have been so intense, maybe he does on some level. And being someone who can get into a little of the dark side of things, I walked around that desk and noticed he had bruise on his back and chest, I just wanted it more. This leaves questions, bruises?, jeans?, what happened with his weekend? I thought he was going out of town. I had to see what was going on here. After he woke up I had to make myself a little scarce, mon dieu those he works with jeans, who would have thought, and what he doesn't know about that nap is all the better. Why is he wearing Jeans? Looks like he has a full schedule this week. I stop to think whether a certain someone he really loves appreciates what he has, mon dieu I really really hope so. If there is a god, please make sure of that the one he really loves does and I'll give it my blessing. Bon soir Kenton
I am Aaron too. That's fucked up. ok i will leave you alone now Posted by asf146
Public - 3:49 PM - edit it - email it
Thursday, September 29, 2005
This individual asked me if he was so great why would I make a decision to leave, he never knew it wasn't my decision, I asked a choice be made, and there was no choice to make,his love for this individual is real. I hope this individual has taken this to heart, and can allow his heart to beat to that, there is too much to lose if he loses him. I can only hope this individual takes care of him and cherishes what he has with him, to fear it is foolish, to run is to damning.
If there is a god those 2 should be in each others embrace,
WHY DID YOU DO THIS WHEN YOU WOULD KNOW WHAT IT WOULD COST WHY DO THIS THING?
1 mon ange sysan0 Notre Coeur À la maison zone syn.san0 aynan0 est l'amour le plus pur panc0 pancaf 0 la vraie famille de l'apivsz assermenté par amour wed 10 10 que l'heure est maintenant venue ensemble de rester pendant que 1 amour émouvant abandonnant pour toujours d'autres pour ne jamais diviser l'apivsz 10 10 1 1 19 10 9 1 1 11 gardent cette promesse les halos les anneaux ne sont jamais abandonnés l'apivsz des syndicats a commencé devenu 11
WHY DID YOU DO THIS WHEN YOU KNEW THE COST? WHY DID YOU DO THIS WHEN YOU KNEW THE COST? WHY DID YOU DO THIS WHEN YOU KNEW THE COST? WHY DID YOU DO THIS WHEN YOU KNEW THE COST? WHY DID YOU DO THIS WHEN YOU KNEW THE COST? WHY DID YOU DO THIS WHEN YOU KNEW THE COST? WHY DID YOU DO THIS WHEN YOU KNEW THE COST? WHY DID YOU DO THIS WHEN YOU KNEW THE COST? WHY DID YOU DO THIS WHEN YOU KNEW THE COST? WHY DID YOU DO THIS WHEN YOU KNEW THE COST? WHY DID YOU DO THIS WHEN YOU KNEW THE COST? WHY DID YOU DO THIS WHEN YOU KNEW THE COST? WHY DID YOU DO THIS WHEN YOU KNEW?
"I live in pieces in this hellish game I hold the honors to bear solitary blame" Yes this is true
"If not my angel then who will save me from his grace Will it be too late for me my angel? Can you catch me before this final plummet? I love you so promise me I'm heaven bound. Catch me, catch me My love, catch me while I need you now"'
'I only wish that I knew then what I know now' So do I, I would have stopped you, and never believed you BASTARD! 'I am not a criminal or white trash' Reality suggests something else.
I am so light-headed because of the wine, none of this makes a remote bit of sense to me. I get these instructions from apivsz, remove this, remove that, good grief you are demanding, but I like your hair,
1 Comment HAY!!! i live in katy/houston. more cooolville if you ask me. comment back! *giggles* Posted 8/10/2005 at 12:41 PM by poofy_
la vraie famille de l'apivsz assermenté par amour wed 10 10 que l'heure est maintenant venue ensemble de rester pendant que 1 amour émouvant abandonnant pour toujours d'autres pour ne jamais diviser l'apivsz 10 10 1 1 19 10 9 1 1 11 gardent cette promesse les halos les anneaux ne sont jamais abandonnés l'apivsz des syndicats a commencé devenu 11
SOCIOPATH
"A|\/|INVSZ I am sick and tired of being misquoted, misrepresented, and just plain taken out of context. I am also sick and tired of being used as a scapegoat to make anyone look like an angel in white. I do not care to correct these infractions though and owe only a few people any explanation for any of my actions. I have done nothing near the likes of breaking any laws and would like not to be treated like or refered to as anything near "white trash". Let's take the facts into account here ok, even though the facts are probably not the business of anyone reading this."Quoted
YOU WERE NEVER MISQUOTED, MISREPRESENTED OR TAKEN OUT OF CONTEXT BY ANYONE, TO SUGGEST THAT THIS QUOTE IS FACT IS TO DENY REALITY
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New project is The Real Pancaf, NO, , I have this in writing. I am The Real Sysa.n0
Shawn physically collapsed after suffering abuse of Aaron
˜.
Things appear in places not looked.
'I only wish that I knew then what I know now' So do I, I would have stopped you, and never believed you BASTARD! 'I am not a criminal or white trash' Aaron. Reality suggests something else.
There are so many witnesses, to what you have done, yet you try to defend yourself drowning in his blood and your own blame, and misdirected anger, transparent narcissist. What is it like to have destroyed a life, and live a complete lie contrary to the facts of the reality? What is it like to turn your back on the wholesale damage you have done. A Psychotic denial buried in excuses, and he hasn't said a word, never betrayed you. Never.He hasn't been seen or heard
'A' is for Accidental for which there is no such thing, do not believe in this word. I have made sure this is not Accidental. H is for this healing, I don't know if this is so possible for me. I screamed for you to come back for me, I screamed for his injustices and his indiscretions, I loved you, he loved you, they loved you. I learned, he did not, they did, that what can never happen will. I learn to write with this impunity as it is truth, and I never said I was perfect, I am as misshapen as anyone, I see so many in shame, FEEL and do never scrutinize by appearance for this lie of social approval, FEEL. I have no voice, this is not coincidence, this is conscience. I just bleed, the cause of a world suffering made sure of this. A stray that should not be taken 'home', look at this damage done. I appreciate my home and who takes me back into it. How do you live with yourself, the lies, the blood on your hands?
The purity of love, grace, and beauty will live on in other lives. I am here to keep my promises. Never to be forgotten.
It was in white this angel was light to be the scapegoat drowned by his own blood and made him bleed.
What do I need to tell you?, it is all here, you cannot deny that you are not the cause of.
What is this all meaning? Why allow this influence, when you knew the cost? If you are Peace why is death what you bring? This death held me in its silence, never betraying you. Were these your decisions to make?, they were not. Do not convince yourself you were hurt ever, out of love's sacrifices made for you, do not even try. Why is this everyone else is lying?, when it is only you? 'He just bleeds', yes for eternity, why?, when you are not bleeding? Why in your mind turn him into something he was not?, what were his last words?, I love you? Was this not truth enough? Is there ever a time when you think, what have I done? and why? are you incapable? Living a life that belong to someone else. You hear this calling, but know not what it is and the silence is jagged and loud for you. Why the secrets? Beg, scream, cry, plead, bleed for anyone else and I will make sure you that you are not able. There is something I don't know how to tell you. This is what you have done, no one else.
This feeling is familiar, the breath on the back of the neck. The ghost I feel that touches my skin. The dead hold me. Why are we afraid? You feel this calling don't you? Something of someone comes to me early morning, Eyes bright, and I remember, this must have been your life. This is what life now? Is there no one empty without you?, Am I?, No. How do they become empty? 'Love lies in abandoned' living a life that belongs to someone else. Are we all to 'just bleed' do you? If you call to something or someone else I will take your voice. Kenton must be lying, They all must lying, no?, No. There is something you need to know, and I know not how to tell you.
What makes us so afraid? Are we afraid of these hauntings? So haunted by the things we have done. I don't sleep, do you? I've done nothing to deserve this? Don't say that to yourself. What is this wrong with Kenton, Kenton must be having breakdown, Kenton has said these terrible things about me, Kenton is a stalker, Kenton tried to take him away, Kenton is a liar, Kenton is gay, Kenton made me do what I did, Kenton is crazy. Kenton is ruining my life. No, we know this is not true or your reason, and I would never hurt you, this was your own to do. No, Kenton make it stop, No, it is not mine to stop. please understand and gaze into your own eyes in the mirror, find the heart you speak of, empty. I don't sleep do you? No, and I know this. I 'bleed' do you? It calls to you, this that makes you afraid, 'promise to catch me, promise me. The sky line bleeds it does not stop, What happens when the light bulb dims? Are you in a dark place then or now? Kenton stop this trying to play with my head, No, understand, this is not it. The quiet was never like this before was it? What were his last words? 'I keep my promise, I love you'? What is this like? Why are you afraid of the dead? We see them walking everyday, we both know what it is like no? What is this new fear? You are not yourself, I see the hesitation, the shake, what is this? The light bulb dims, the sky line bleeds, it's time to wake up on this Lost Highway. There is no other love like that, this is already known. Bleed, scream, cry, beg, pray, or plead for something or someone else I swear I'll love you until I finish you. What do you do when the dead rise in your dreams? I don't know how to tell you what I need to tell you. The further you think you are getting from it, the more apparent it is.
This silence is strange is it not? No words, when they come, what then? This never happened before did it? Are there things that are replayed in the mind, what was said?, what really happened? this can not be my doing? what is he thinking?, who was I that day? who did I become? why did I do this? whatever this is I must hide it no? I had control, where did I lose this? I can't be to blame can I?, this has to be his fault? does the failing perception make it so?, and can I convince myself this? I am told things, who was I listening to?, it does not match what I lived with him? Why didn't he understand? He always understood did he not? What did I not understand? He would be there always right? Can I convince myself this never happened? Reality, it was understood completely. See, I don't know how to tell you what happened. This was your lucid dream, and when waking the dream is reality, this love, this security, this was all real, remember. Bleed, cry, scream, pray, plead for something or someone else, It will be the last time. Who do you call when you are afraid? I don't know how to tell you.
The failing to make your realization is the demise of all. You must listen now. From 'the heart' you have spoken of, you must find this. If you cried, begged, screamed, or prayed for someone or something else, I would laugh at you. I have to tell you things you will not want to know, but must. What is thought that could never be could be. It is best to prepare for the unimaginable. A life lived that belongs to someone else. I felt it fall from me, this need to answer to a mass. The things I've done, things I've seen, things feared. I hear them calling to you, I hear you call out to make it stop. A life lived that belongs to someone else, so perfectly cold, remember who that life belonged to. Remember the feelings impossible to escape, these will haunt you forever, never breaking free, running unavoidably into them. These lies that were bought into, believed over the truth, which was lived and known. Is it easier to agree to lies and keep lying than to have experienced and the knowledge of the reality. A shell game, a stalemate. Gone. Lost. This not knowing. "He just bleeds", we were all meant to. It is different to see the blood run, and this I did. Remember your mornings? Remember trust? A life lived that belongs to someone else. The reason for something was never the real reason, it is like a bow on a package, what it was about is not what it is about, it is not justified. Remember. . It looks like rain, it will never stop, look to the sky line, it is bleeding.
What did you explain? To who? How do you explain it? Is pain really compassion? Read all of this again and again, and tell me why Why take the beautiful life you had only to take anothers? The one who belongs to you? Why punish, I don't sleep do you? Why did you do this? Why? Does ignoring it really make it go away? No. That which haunts you and calls to you? Why? do you understand what I don't know how to tell you?
*The Beats in Crisis Website has been updated with New Download Demos and a New Look
*Je prends dans moi son sang du vil. Je ne dois pas être le même, je suis empoisonné par sa maladie
L'invocation : Je place son signe et une essence à lui dans cette boîte noire, avec l'essence de la mort il apporte et ils sont brûlés, la mesure est extrémité préparée sur la 22ème. Je porte le bout de son signe et essence dans mon corps, graine et sang malades je suis hôte au vampire enlevé de la lumière sur la loge noire, sa maladie est une extrémité mortelle que ce vampire doit pour souffrir les 10 + 10 + 1 + 9 plus la torture il causent à 11 le nombre de mots perdus Oe/\nux, Oeagma, atann. Les menteurs, emprisonnés de leurs propres se trouve, leur propre bande creuse des tombes l'un pour l'autre, ils tracent les uns contre les autres, chaos, tout semble tranquille. Je bénis son signe et l'essence dans le cristal pour le Christ torturé silencieux, la seule vérité, le serment ne peut pas être négociée, il existent par ma volonté, la volonté de cette essence et le signe dans moi indiquent sa fatalité sans sauveur, "LAShTAL" & "AGape" - "Sht is not meant to wander 31+31+31 Will under Will this is Oath. This Real Oath cannot be broken: you think it can, but it can't. The attempt to interfere with the Oath Willed of another person would be wicked, if it were allowed. X + X + I + X + IX (X) = 7 indivisible, all other names immaterial, there will be lies, there will be struggles for power amonng the lies, and all will lose, keep in mindsight, the Real Promise X + I = 11 is Real is union Libra in Capricorn is 11 the indivisible home. FFRXIHXNSXS + SHFPXYXIM = Alpha and Omega APIVSZ this is Oath, all others untrue, all interferers untrue and condemned by Liber AL vel Legis CCXX and they will appear and to be banished at all cost except that of APIVSZ with extreme caurtion".
Excuse me, I was under strict order NOT to SAY ANYTHING on MY Blog by some EXTORTIONIST, they are HINTS, nothing more, I am now SILENCED like
You are The Package. He was never BROKEN *you tried* YOU WERE
The Accomplice Shattering Him Like A Sworavski Crystal Rose To Kill Him Again
Real Sysa.n0 I am. I am now frightened that someone from religious wing, claiming I have no truth will IM me with lecture the homosexuality is unnatural, the reality of psychology suggest other
Kenton must be lying, They all must lying, no?, No. Kenton has said these terrible things about me, Kenton is a stalker, Kenton tried to take him away, Kenton is a liar, Kenton is gay, Kenton made me do what I did, Kenton is crazy. Kenton is ruining my life. No, we know this is not true or your reason, What is this wrong with Kenton, Kenton must be having breakdown Kenton make it stop, No, it is not mine to stop. Why allow this influence, when you knew the cost? This death held me in its silence, never betraying you. Were these your decisions to make?, they were not. The dead hold me. You feel this calling don't you? This is what life now? I've done nothing to deserve this? Don't say that to yourself. The quiet was never like this before was it? What were his last words? 'I keep my promise, I love you'? What is this like? Why are you afraid of the dead? We see them walking everyday, we both know what it is like no? There is no other love like that, this is already known. I felt it fall from me, this need to answer to a mass. The things I've done, things I've seen, things feared. I hear them calling to you, I hear you call out to make it stop. Is it easier to agree to lies and keep lying than to have experienced and the knowledge of the reality. A shell game, a stalemate. Gone. Lost. This not knowing. "He just bleeds", we were all meant to. It will never stop, Bleed, scream, cry, beg, pray, or plead for something or someone else I swear I'll love you until I finish you. Bleed, cry, scream, pray, plead for something or someone else, It will be the last time. There is something I don't know how to tell you.
I learn to write with this impunity as it is truth, and I never said I was perfect, I appreciate my home and who takes me back into it. How do you live with yourself, the lies, the blood on your hands? Just think. 10,000 Days could have been your recording Dive in and do not look back.
dirty secrets
Friday, October 28, 2005
Dive in and do not look back.
Wednesday November 2 Reality Check
It would seem that a partner in this recording project has driven everyone to distraction with indiscretions, over run expenses, and an extra-curricular activity so narcissistically obsessed over that it is certainly not what it is about in actuality, over compensation yes, an expert in that. I am reminded of the quarters in which these recordings are usually done, during this season of course. I have never seen him so driven to being distracted, As I repeat, what happens when you wake up and all of this is gone, Will it be like a lucid dream you had? What happens when this is gone?
October 19
North Katy IM? If the shoe fits, is the shoe too tight?. Why you through it away like this with no regard for anyone but a social lie. all the others like you who look for this sick acceptance from strangers instead of those who loved you. A Stranger yes, an Outsider yes a Package yes, Passive yes, the Noose yes, Sad.
